Over the years I've found that my clinical practice parallels my personal growth and healing path. Along with 20 years of devoted meditation practice came Mindfulness-Based Psychotherapy and leading Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction workshops. Along with 15 years of psychedelic journeys and the healing and transformation they provided came my support of clients in preparation and integration of their experiences with plant medicines (e.g. Ayahuasca, psilocybin, cannabis, Ibogaine) and related substances (e.g. MDMA, Ketamine). As I am now becoming more committed to staying healthy and active, I am finding my research and personal practices are seeping into my work with clients regardless of their age.
Along with folks in their early and middle years, I am working with more clients in their later years who are struggling with significant challenges of this later life stage. Common daily activities require more effort. Days filled with struggle, fatigue and exhaustion are becoming the new norm. Old strategies for finding meaning, purpose and moments of peace and joy are failing. Dealing with anticipation of death is claiming more mental and emotional bandwidth. These shifts can occur gradually so loss of capacity and ability can go unnoticed until they . Other times with onset of disease for example, this deterioration can come on quickly and be overwhelming.
I have been exploring the notion of aging well from a personal perspective for several years. What I'm learning from wise elders and researchers and from exchanges with clients, is encouraging me to take an aggressive stance toward lifestyle habits. I realize it's time to transform daily habits in a healthy direction. It's obvious that the body and the mind are deteriorating which of course, has been true since entering adulthood, just not as obvious as this is today. It's also obvious that without commitment, this natural deterioration will unfold more quickly and lifestyle options will be limited more rapidly. Activities and plans for the future will become less adventurous, more stressful and more boring. An obvious truth is that daily life will ultimately be overwhelming. The question is when will this happen - in the next 5 years or perhaps the next 30? As we reflect on aging, it becomes clear that it's time to shift our lifestyle to be in line with getting and keeping the mind and the body in as good a shape as we're able!
Some important issues along this path present themselves:
The need to letting go of what made up our former "life stages." We need to allow the various roles, responsibilities and rewards of these former stages to fall away. They no longer serve us. When our past preoccupations and self identity fall away, we can enjoy the freedom and adventure this emerging later life stage can offer us. How to do this and remain relaxed and peaceful is be common challenge. Letting go of what has provided a comforting sense of who we are, why we're here and what we're here to do is not a small thing to release. Fear and panic can arise making old self-damaging habits attractive again such as alcohol, tobacco, unhelpful pharmaceuticals, cannabis abuse, hours of netfix, social media and stress-inducing news shows. What our life is about and why we struggle to engage with it, becomes more unclear and confusing as we pursue clouding of the mind and numbing of the body rather than clarity and energized body. We can make resting comfortably in this life stage even more challenging if not impossible.
There are productive shifts in our lifestyle that are proven significant supports during this transition. For example, healthy diet, balanced exercise, supportive social contacts. Activities and the media choices we make can offer positive perspectives on life or negative energy our way (e.g. politics, stock market). It can sometimes take some work to avoid pressure from others or our community conditioning regarding what's OK to do with the time we have left. We can feel uncomfortable choosing to work in the garden and sit quietly and listen to the birds at sunrise. These peaceful activities can be important stress management tools while also supporting a broader richer perspective on Life.
Our culture often ignores or even belittles the growth and opportunities for freedom this life stage offers. This cultural bias is presented clearly in Becca Levy's powerful book, Breaking the Age Code. It's not just that others have negative biases of those of us moving into this later stage of life, the important person here is us! We need to avoid falling into the self-limiting energy that distorts and limits our view of life and our place in it.
I have found several books written by wise elders who support our journey of "growing younger toward death" as David Whyte presents in his poem The Faces of Braga. As I reflect on this notion, what I see is that like a child, I have less responsibility, fewer times of being carried away by a sense of urgency, less critical judgment of myself and of others, less engagement with the growing noise of our culture. I'm experiencing life at this stage is a wonderful time with engaging opportunities for adventure and continued growth. I understand that an important role is remembering this and avoiding falling back into my conditioning.
I am working on understanding and articulating more clearly my approach to working with this transition both personally as well as with clients who are committed to making the most of this phase of their life. Exploring this area provides me with energy and I'm excited to be shifting more of my time and energy in this direction.
Available resources:
Grace in Aging: Awakening as You Grow Older by Kathleen D Singh
Suggested books and resources on this topic as well as on the issue of "Dying Well."